Famous Johnny Carson Quotes

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Use this quote  

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Use this quote  

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Use this quote  

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Use this quote  

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Use this quote  

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Use this quote  

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Use this quote  

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Use this quote  

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Use this quote  

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Use this quote