Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Children make your life important.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."
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