Elayne Boosler (born August 18, 1952) is an American comedian and advocate for animal rescue.
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.' Use this quote
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Use this quote
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food. Use this quote
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. Use this quote
When the sun comes up, I have morals again. Use this quote
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? Use this quote
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. Use this quote
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. Use this quote
I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots. Use this quote
